Six different players have taken snaps at quarterback for the 0-7 Cleveland Browns this season: Robert Griffin III, Josh McCown, Terrelle Pryor, Cody Kessler, Charlie Whitehurst, and Kevin Hogan.
The guy maintaining that Browns quarterbacks jersey with the long list of names on it has his work cut out for him.
If current trends continue (and we have no reason to believe they won’t), nearly 10 more quarterbacks will take snaps for the Browns this season.
Let’s take a stab at predicting them.
Week 7 at Bengals – Ryan Lindley
The worst quarterback in postseason history (16 of 28 passes for 82 yards, one touchdown, and two interceptions) is perhaps the most realistic option for the Browns next week. Doesn’t it seem like fate that Lindley will eventually be a Brown?
Week 8 vs. Jets – Michael Vick
Finding no better option on the free-agent market, the Browns will sign Vick and start him against his former team. Vick in the Dawg Pound. You can’t make this stuff up*.
*Actually you can.
Week 9 vs. Cowboys – Tony Romo
Five days prior to this game is the NFL’s trade deadline. The Cowboys will fully commit to Dak Prescott as their starter of the future by trading Romo to the Browns for a conditional draft pick.
Week 10 at Ravens – Chris Simms
After Romo breaks his collarbone yet again, the Browns will sign journeyman quarterback turned Bleacher Report analyst Simms. It turns out he’s still bad.
Week 11 vs. Steelers – Phil Simms
After the Chris Simms experiment fails, the Browns will remember that he wasn’t even the good Simms. But you know who was? Simms’ father, Phil Simms.
Week 12 vs. Giants – Peyton Manning
The Browns will lure Peyton out of retirement for a special one-week opportunity to show younger brother Eli that he’s still the alpha Manning, much like Phil Simms.
Week 13 Bye
Not even the Browns can lose during a bye week.
Week 14 vs. Bengals – A cat
A cat in the Dawg Pound?! You can’t make this stuff up*. The cat wins over the locker room during the bye week and the Browns coaches have no choice but to put him on the field.
*Upon further review it turns out you can.
Week 15 at Bills – Doug Flutie
It’s a revenge game for Flutie, who lost his starting job with the Bills to Rob Johnson despite that forever being a completely insane decision.
Week 16 vs. Chargers – Santa Claus
This game is on Christmas Eve and the Chargers will really get into the festive spirit.
Week 17 at Steelers – Johnny Manziel
LOL just kidding.