In an unscrupulous parallel universe, adults escape ridicule for sporting costumes on Halloween, and among them are some of football’s best.
With the annual day of tricking and treating upon us, here’s a look at some notable footballers and the fanciful garb they’ve opted for in hopes of moonlighting as heroes of both fiction and fact.
Luis Suarez (Dracula)
With 63 goals since moving to Barcelona from Liverpool, perhaps La Liga defenders would be wise to tuck some garlic in their jocks as a means of curbing the exploits of the vampiric Uruguayan international Luis Suarez.
Understandably, Otman Bakkal, Branislav Ivanovic, and Giorgio Chiellini have all decided to stay home in fear of crossing paths with Stoker’s Gothic villain.
David Luiz (Sideshow Bob)
This one seems blatantly obvious. Chelsea centre-back David Luiz’s bouncy ringlets bare a striking resemblance to Sideshow Bob from “The Simpson’s.”
“Lisa, you don’t spend 10 years as a homicidal maniac without learning a *few* things about dynamite,” Sideshow Bob once said, and few would know the virtues of accidentally learning a trade like the attack-minded bushy-haired defender.
Cristiano Ronaldo (Cristiano Ronaldo)
When Narcissus became amorous with an image of his own reflection, the vain victim of Greek mythology could hardly have imagined that his title would be usurped by Euro 2016 winner Cristiano Ronaldo.
Mauro Icardi (Maxi Lopez)
First, Inter forward Mauro Icardi snatched up Torino attacker and best friend Maxi Lopez’s ex-wife. Then, the Argentine striker got tattoos of Lopez’s three children with his former missus/current Icardi manager Wanda Nara.
The next step seems a natural one for the Nerazzurri nitwit.
Marvel at the resemblance between robust Brazilian forward Hulk and and his cartoon counterpart, and this costume is a no-brainer.
Languishing in luxury in China’s top flight with Shanghai SIPG, the 48-time capped Canarinho has a thunderous shot that makes his colleagues green with envy.
Mesut Ozil (Enzo Ferrari)
Physical similarities and a shared penchant for looking sharp in red aside, Arsenal playmaker Mesut Ozil and Ferrari’s founder and namesake Enzo are both enterprising fellows noted for their creativity.